Holidays are hard not only for the kids but for the divorced parents also. It is even more difficult for the father. In the advent of the divorce it is usually the dad who leaves the home and getting back in there is not only awkward but a little hard; it’s not your territory anymore.
Divide and Conquer
Discuss with your ex wife scheduling. Include the children and ask for their opinion on the matter, plan activities that you can all spend in a neutral territory. Try not to overcompensate by giving your children an over abundance of gifts. Gifts won’t make the situation easier. What’s more it will only spoil your children.
Make it easier for the kids by going shopping together. Help them pick gifts for their mom and the new step dad. Shopping is usually girls bonding time, by doing this your children will see that you are really making an effort to be with them.
Quality Time
Even the most trivial things make for fun activities. Involve the kids on stuff like writing greeting cards, licking the envelope close and sticking on the stamp will make them feel like you need them. Gift wrapping also makes for a great activity.
If you live somewhere that has snow use this as an opportunity to have a great time. Play around. Snow ball fights, toboggan, skiing, snowboarding or building a snowman could be a nice bonding time.
Another way to spend some quality time with the children during the holidays is by filling the house with decorations. Find the perfect Christmas tree for the house, it is also recommended that you bring them along and let them choose the tree themselves, decorating the Christmas tree with the kids is a fun experience for divorced dads. This can also help you connect with the children after going through all the mishaps that divorce brings.
Showing them that you care
During the holidays, giving the kids gifts is a way to show kids that you love them, but writing them Christmas cards is a way of showing them how much you love them and letting them know that despite it did not work out with you and their mom, you are showing them that your relationship with them will always be the same. Writing them cards for them to read on Christmas day is way better than giving material things. It is showing them what you feel deep inside and letting them know that they are always in your heart.
Day out with the kids
Holidays can be very lonely for divorced dads, which is why it is nice to plan a day out with the kids. You can plan a road trip with them, visiting their grandparents. Being on the road with your children is also a nice way to bond with them once again. Ask them to plan the trip with you can excite the kids, ask them where they want to go to spend their day with their father.
Bring along your cameras to document the special day you have with them for all of you to cherish. When the kids are all grown up, they can look back on these pictures and videos of you with them, by this time they understand that despite their parents are divorced, they still have a father in you.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Advice About Visitation For Divorced Dads
Divorced dads often worry about visitation because of the short time that they spend with their kids. These times are very limited, and for a father, even a whole day is not enough to spend with your own kid. This is different than living in one house and having all the time in the world playing or talking to one’s children, a lot different than a divorced dad, it is much like calling your dentist for an appointment. This may not be easy for other dads out there, so here are some tips on how to ease the tension when visiting.
Take it one step at a time
Do not rush to your kids all at once. Things may be awkward at first, but eventually all these awkwardness fades away. Just give yourself time to gel with the kids. Patience plays a big factor with this one.
Plan your day
What you can do is plan ahead of time before your visit. Consider this as your weekend with the kids. You can take them hiking or camping, or any outdoor events that \all of you could enjoy. Teach your kids to fish or go birdwatching. Remember, this is your time to bond with them.
Be spontaneous
Some kids may have planned their day with their dad ahead also, so one should be spontaneous. Letting the kids manage your time together is another way to ease the tension that surrounds the father as well as the children. This way, you could get to know the likes and dislikes of the children.
As a father, you can invite your kids over your house for the weekend. Note that you should let them feel at home, be sensitive in knowing that they may feel a little awkward because of the different surroundings or house rules compared to where they are living. The last thing on your mind is to give them a new set of rules all at once. Just focus on the children’s needs when they are with you.
There also comes a time when kids come to an age where they resist seeing you on visitation day or they do not like the woman you are with, just ease up and let time take its toll. It may not be an easy task but this is part of the process. Letting them know that you understand and that you are always there for them and how much love them would instill in their minds, time heals all wounds, and in time as they grow they will understand the circumstances.
Being a divorced dad does not mean you are not a father anymore. You may not be a husband anymore, but you are still a father. Just let the children know that it may have not worked out with you and their mother, but your relationship with them is still the same and would never change. Let them understand that you have nothing but unconditional love for them. Let the children know that no matter what, you are still their father and that you are always there when they need you, to support them in their endeavors. Though you may live far apart, let them know that your love is unconditional and that they always have you to confide to.
Take it one step at a time
Do not rush to your kids all at once. Things may be awkward at first, but eventually all these awkwardness fades away. Just give yourself time to gel with the kids. Patience plays a big factor with this one.
Plan your day
What you can do is plan ahead of time before your visit. Consider this as your weekend with the kids. You can take them hiking or camping, or any outdoor events that \all of you could enjoy. Teach your kids to fish or go birdwatching. Remember, this is your time to bond with them.
Be spontaneous
Some kids may have planned their day with their dad ahead also, so one should be spontaneous. Letting the kids manage your time together is another way to ease the tension that surrounds the father as well as the children. This way, you could get to know the likes and dislikes of the children.
As a father, you can invite your kids over your house for the weekend. Note that you should let them feel at home, be sensitive in knowing that they may feel a little awkward because of the different surroundings or house rules compared to where they are living. The last thing on your mind is to give them a new set of rules all at once. Just focus on the children’s needs when they are with you.
There also comes a time when kids come to an age where they resist seeing you on visitation day or they do not like the woman you are with, just ease up and let time take its toll. It may not be an easy task but this is part of the process. Letting them know that you understand and that you are always there for them and how much love them would instill in their minds, time heals all wounds, and in time as they grow they will understand the circumstances.
Being a divorced dad does not mean you are not a father anymore. You may not be a husband anymore, but you are still a father. Just let the children know that it may have not worked out with you and their mother, but your relationship with them is still the same and would never change. Let them understand that you have nothing but unconditional love for them. Let the children know that no matter what, you are still their father and that you are always there when they need you, to support them in their endeavors. Though you may live far apart, let them know that your love is unconditional and that they always have you to confide to.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
The Drudgery Of Being A Divorced Dad
A lot of people believe that when it comes to relationships women have it harder than men. Men and women are a lot alike when it comes to feeling pain and inflicting it, except that most men do not show and tell the world how they feel.
Does It Hurt?
It is a common misconception that men don’t get hurt when their marriages break up. Society has a set of opinion that stereotypes divorced men as womanizers, infidels, dead beat dads, and irresponsible. However, not all these conceptions are true. Though some divorced dads prove otherwise, some others get hurt during the process. They feel that they have to struggle to keep their family intact, thinking of child support and also has to bear the fact of seeing their children once or twice a month if they lose child custody to the mother. When the question “does it hurt?” arises, these fathers do think so. It is actually hard to cope up from a messy divorce not only for the kids but from their dads as well.
Losing interest with the kids
There is also this myth that came around telling that divorced dads do not care or lose some interest about the children they have. This is not true at all. Fathers always care for their children, some may not show it through affection and some may do, but saying that losing interest with them are proven to be false.
Men are the ones initiating a divorce
Another misconception. People tend to stereotype divorced dads as the ones who have initiated the divorce. Other people may think that men are the ones abandoning their families, leaving their wives for another woman, leaving all their responsibilities behind, etc. People usually think that towards divorced dads, when they should think that women are also capable and sometimes liable for all things that has been said here. There are some dads out there striving and working to provide for their family and regrettably are being cheated on by their wives once their backs are turned away. Not only women feel pain when on the road to divorce, men too feel pain and all these turmoil once the divorce is final.
Another difficult part of the dad when going through a tough divorce is sharing their assets with their wives who sometimes are the ones responsible for the divorce. Some wives may clean out their husband’s wallets, and even asking for child support in the process, and some may even have a social worker with them while visiting their kids. These are just some of the turmoil being brought by divorce to these men.
Being a divorced dad means you have to work double time to compensate for your child support and to keep their minds off it. Some take months or even years just cope up with the new situation they are in. There are some who even cut off their social lives because of fear of going through all these process once again. Some men who are weak tend to become drunks or some may lose interest in their lives.
Being a divorced dad does not necessarily mean life has ended, for some, it means to get up, dust one’s self off and start a whole new perspective in life.
Does It Hurt?
It is a common misconception that men don’t get hurt when their marriages break up. Society has a set of opinion that stereotypes divorced men as womanizers, infidels, dead beat dads, and irresponsible. However, not all these conceptions are true. Though some divorced dads prove otherwise, some others get hurt during the process. They feel that they have to struggle to keep their family intact, thinking of child support and also has to bear the fact of seeing their children once or twice a month if they lose child custody to the mother. When the question “does it hurt?” arises, these fathers do think so. It is actually hard to cope up from a messy divorce not only for the kids but from their dads as well.
Losing interest with the kids
There is also this myth that came around telling that divorced dads do not care or lose some interest about the children they have. This is not true at all. Fathers always care for their children, some may not show it through affection and some may do, but saying that losing interest with them are proven to be false.
Men are the ones initiating a divorce
Another misconception. People tend to stereotype divorced dads as the ones who have initiated the divorce. Other people may think that men are the ones abandoning their families, leaving their wives for another woman, leaving all their responsibilities behind, etc. People usually think that towards divorced dads, when they should think that women are also capable and sometimes liable for all things that has been said here. There are some dads out there striving and working to provide for their family and regrettably are being cheated on by their wives once their backs are turned away. Not only women feel pain when on the road to divorce, men too feel pain and all these turmoil once the divorce is final.
Another difficult part of the dad when going through a tough divorce is sharing their assets with their wives who sometimes are the ones responsible for the divorce. Some wives may clean out their husband’s wallets, and even asking for child support in the process, and some may even have a social worker with them while visiting their kids. These are just some of the turmoil being brought by divorce to these men.
Being a divorced dad means you have to work double time to compensate for your child support and to keep their minds off it. Some take months or even years just cope up with the new situation they are in. There are some who even cut off their social lives because of fear of going through all these process once again. Some men who are weak tend to become drunks or some may lose interest in their lives.
Being a divorced dad does not necessarily mean life has ended, for some, it means to get up, dust one’s self off and start a whole new perspective in life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)